Digirat Race
by Angellina Tsaint
Summary: I saw rat race recently... And I challenged myself to writing a Digimon version. This is the result, a very funny, odd, and just 100% insane fanfic! Please R+R! *CHAPTER TWO FINALLY UP! WHOOPEE!*
1. Chapter One - Begin

Digirat Race  
  
By Peach Flavoured Grape Juice  
  
Chapter One  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon or the movie Rat Race. I also do not have any self respect or dignity so flaming this story will be a big waste of your time.  
  
  
  
The Digimon Emperor sat on his throne, swirling around a cocktail as the previous rulers of the Digiworld gathered.  
  
"So kid, why are we here?" Puppetmon asked.  
  
With a laugh, he stood up. "Dear friends!" He began (only to be polite, he actually didn't fancy any of them too much), "I have a proposition for you! How would you like to see the Digidestined race from one side of the Digital world to the other, and in doing so breaking their friendships and bringing a great laugh!"  
  
A great cheer erupted from all sides of the room.  
  
"I can accomplish that! You see, at a Digiport I chose randomly, my servants have placed a safe that contains two million Digidollars, and in mere moments, some of the Digidestined will be given matching keys which all open the safe."  
  
Everyone loved the idea, and Ken silently congratulated himself on deciding to get the movie Rat Race out from the video store.  
  
"What's the catch?" Devimon asked.  
  
"Nothing! They humiliate themselves, while we watch!"  
  
"You mean... No secrets?" Just those brats running around like morons, and we get to watch?!"  
  
Ken nodded. "Precisely. But, of course, if you so wish, there could be a little... Betting?"  
  
A few exited murmurs spread through the crowd. After long consideration (ok, it was only ten seconds), the bets were placed:  
  
Who would win- Davis - 9% $38  
  
Yolei - 0.01% $5  
  
Kari - 20.9% $29.95  
  
T.K. - 7% $105  
  
Tai - 11% $209  
  
Matt - 53% $93, 000  
  
None of the rulers *knew* why Matt had been the most popular, or why Etemon still thought it was a joke and had bet "five bucks" on Yolei.  
  
(Sorry Yolei fans, but I just don't like that girl!)  
  
As a party began, Ken left the room, ready to face the Digidestined.  
  
Wormmon scuttled along beside him. "Master, do you think it's really important to do this to them?"  
  
Ken grinned. "No, but I want to humiliate them, and this is my best plan yet!" He laughed. "Now shut up and go away!"  
  
Wormmon stopped following Ken, and when the boy was gone, he let out a long sigh.  
  
"Alright Ken, 'fess up! We know it was you who attacked those towns!" Davis yelled.  
  
You see, Ken had gone through quite a bit of trouble to attract the Digidestineds attention. Unfortunately, to him that meant getting wasted, then joyriding on that weird flying Digimon, then trashing several towns and villages by using cheap fly spray and a large candle (Kids, DO try this at home! It's fun!*snigger, snigger*).  
  
In his opinion, it had gone quite well, until he fell off the weird flying Digimon (no, I do NOT know its name!), landed in a small town where no one had ever heard of him, and then had gotten drunk out of his mind.  
  
He had woken up the next morning dressed up like Sophie Ellis Bextor from her music video for "Get over you", a fluro orange grass skirt, had badly done makeup on, and was holding an empty bottle of Absinthe.  
  
But ANYWAY...  
  
"I admit it!" Ken laughed, "But I had good reason to do it!"  
  
"Huh?" The Digidestined chourused.  
  
He sighed. "I have a challenge for you."  
  
"So?" TK asked.  
  
"And the winner will get two million digidollars."  
  
There was a stunned silence. What a person could do with two million digidollars... The possibilities were almost endless. (A/N: Actually, they're not. I tried writing a list of 20 things you could do with it... I'm on 14.)  
  
Davis broke the silence. "This has got to be a joke!"  
  
Ken shook his head.  
  
"... A trick?"  
  
Another shake of the head. "No jokes, no tricks. Just a chance to win two million digidollars. It's your choice whether or not you accept." Of course, Ken knew they'd accept, and he also knew that if they had a few "slips" along the way, he couldn't be blamed.  
  
The Digidestined whispered to each other, then Davis stepped forward. "Ok. We accept."  
  
A/N: Yay, Chapter One is done! Very short, but oh well. Chapter Two will be longer, and let's just say... funnier... 


	2. Chapter Two - The Mini-bets

Digirat Race  
  
By Peach Flavoured Grape Juice  
  
Chapter Two  
  
  
  
"Ok, who wants in?"  
  
Four very annoying children had somehow snuck into Ken's base and somehow, he didn't care (must be the booze!). Basically they made up stuff for people to bet on, and their latest idea was to hang Wormmon from the ceiling on a rope - but using his teeth to hold on.  
  
Ken didn't mind about that either - he even let them use his whip for a makeshift rope!  
  
And now, the digirulers were betting on how long the poor guy would hold on.  
  
(Muse: WHY are you so cruel to Wormmon?  
  
Me: It's fun!  
  
Muse: Uh... Good point!)  
  
A sweatdrop appeared on his brow (worms have brows?!) as his teeth clamped onto the whip/rope with all his might. He swayed there, and seconds which felt like milleniums slipped by... And then he felt his teeth let go...  
  
"Who said half a minute?" One of the girls, who had said her name was Shaykiro Tuesu, called out. Her four companions were Michiyo Kokira, also a girl, and two boys - Yinganno Mesu and Tanguzo Pikarichi.  
  
"I did!" One of the pre-digirulers called out, and Tanguzo took him the winnings.  
  
"What should we do now?" Michiyo asked her companions in a low voice.  
  
Yinganno shrugged, but Shaykiro grinned her evil little smile. "I have the perfect idea..."  
  
And she told them what it was.  
  
A few minutes later, Tanguzo came back, and they filled him in. He had to bite his lip to stop from laughing, but nodded.  
  
"Previous and present digirulers!" He called. standing on a crate he was using as a makeshift stage, "It is time for the bet of a lifetime!"  
  
"What?" A few voices asked exitedly.  
  
"Um... I forgot!"  
  
Shaykiro slapped her forehead. "Tanguzo, how much have you had to drink tonight?" She hissed.  
  
"Uh... Nothing...?"  
  
"I've never heard of that drink!" Michiyo giggled.  
  
Casting her friend a dark glare, Shaykiro continued. "Tell me now or Yinganno hears what REALLY happened to his CD player!"  
  
Tanguzo's face widened with horror, while Yinganno scratched his head with confusion. "Tan, I thought you said that my CD player got broken when you tried to preform CPR on my goldfish and had to stick it on top and that was how the water got inside!"  
  
(A/N: What really happened was that Tanguzo spilt a water-like alchohol he was trying to make, and some got in the fishtank as well...)  
  
"Ok, I've had a few of those black drinks with the little silver olives."  
  
"You fool!" Shaykiro exclaimed, "Those were Black Lagoons!"  
  
Black Lagoons were a mixture of coke, vodka, canadian rum and a dipper of funny white stuff - but, only Ken knew what that was.  
  
Shaykiro pulled Tanguzo off the crate and she stepped on.  
  
"I'm sorry about Tan," She said, "He's had a few Black Lagoons."  
  
Nods and murmurs of sympathy rose from the crowd.  
  
"Anyway, what he was going to say was that our new betting game is Dare, where we dare all of you to do stuff you'd... rather NOT do!"  
  
"But what do we bet on?" Devimon asked.  
  
"Who you think will chicken out!"  
  
Michiyo and Yinganno, armed with pens and paper, weaved through the crowd and writing down the bets. It didn't take them very long, and soon they were back, giggling and showing Shaykiro the results. The girl smiled wickedly and straightened up.  
  
"As the first round, we call Piedmon to the center!"  
  
All the digirulers stepped back as Piedmon stepped forward.  
  
"Piedmon!" Shaykiro said loudly, "Your dare is to strip down to your underwear, and sing "My Heart Will Go On" while doing the chicken dance! And before you refuse, know this - Puppetmon, Metalseadramon, AND that other dude I *think* you know, but I can't read what Yinganno wrote all bet on your failure! Do you understand?"  
  
Piedmon turned and scowled at his so-called "friends". Turning back, he nodded.  
  
"Can I at least get changed somewhere else?" He asked weakly.  
  
The four shook their heads.  
  
(A/N: No, you MAY NOT have the gory details of Piedmon stripping to his undies, but since I'm such a kind person *looks angelic* you can have the other bit!)  
  
As he began the chicken dance, sweating heavily, he began to sing:  
  
"Um... something, something, in my dreams, I see you, something, here, far, something where you are, my heart will go on and on..."  
  
This was already too much for some people, who were rolling on the ground, laughing so hard they could barely breathe.  
  
***  
  
Wormmon had given the Digidestined matching keys to the safe, and they had literally fell over each other, and Yolei had gotten in the lead. *Unfortunately*, she fell off a cliff.  
  
(Yup, you guessed it, I STILL don't like her too much!)  
  
But when they had all gone off in their seperate ways, Ken's face flickered onto their Digivices. "Digidestined!" He said, "I have taken the liberty of making sure that you cannot digivolve in any way, shape, or form!"  
  
"HUH?!" Davis yelled at his Digivice, "YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!"  
  
"Ah, but I can!" Ken said, smiling.  
  
"Says who?!"  
  
"The author!"  
  
(*hides*)  
  
His evil laugh continued on and on until the screens returned to normal.  
  
"Darn that Ken!" Davis yelled.  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, at Ken's HQ...  
  
"Yo! Ken dude!"  
  
Ken looked up from what he was reading to see Yinganno.  
  
"What do you want?" He asked bitterly.  
  
"Woah... Is that... It is! It's a Teletubbies magazine! THE DIGIMON EMPEROR IS READING A TELETUBBIES MAGAZINE!"  
  
"SHUT UP!" Ken ordered, "Don't you DARE let ANYONE know!"  
  
The boy rubbed his chin.  
  
"Ken, let's make a deal!" He proposed.  
  
"What?"  
  
"If you do a simple dare, I won't tell a single soul about this."  
  
Ken considered this. If he refused Yinganno would tell everyone about the magazine, and if he accepted no one would know. But who knew what kind of dare it would be...  
  
"Alright! I accept!"  
  
(A/N: One of the greater mistakes of Ken!)  
  
"I thought so..." Yinganno grinned, "And your dare is..."  
  
"What? Just tell me!" Ken ordered.  
  
"You, Ken Ichijouji, must..."  
  
A/N: AND THAT'S THE END OF CHAPTER TWO! So people, email me, put it in reviews, just tell me what YOU think Ken should do! It can even involve the Digidestined!  
  
Muse: Oh. My. God.  
  
Me: What?  
  
Muse: THAT WAS EVEN WORSE THAN CHAPTER ONE! ARRRRGGGGHHHH! *runs off*  
  
Me: ... It was the minibet chapter, stupid! 


End file.
